Insight

How I would love to have a clear insight on my life right now! I feel as if my life has been on spin cycle for about, well let's just say years. I have figured some things out and I have become very confused on many other things.

Some things that have become clear to me is that God loves me. He is providing for me opportunities to learn about myself and to learn about his perfect love. I have grown to understand that people come into your life for a season. They have been strategically placed in my life for me to gain the lesson from them that God has intended. I love those people who have decided to stick around to love me when it has been hard to love myself. I appreciate those people who have decided to stay by my side when life hasn't been a whole lot of good times. These people have taught me that there are some who just like to appear to love you, then there are those who "truly" love you. These are the people that have help to teach me what true love is all about.

As I express some of my feelings of love I can't help but wonder if I am able to show my boys what love is. Which makes me think what is love? I believe love is hard. But equally easy. Love is something you feel and something that at times you wish you could never touch again. It is the greatest and worst thing on earth. Love is the beginning and the end. Love is amazing! How can a feeling be so many things that are a total contradiction? Because it is something we so long for to be perfect. Do I love Chase and Reese perfectly? Nope! But do I love them and do I show them I love them? YES.

I find it strange that some of my greatest moments have been spent with people I no longer even speak to. God is working on me with this. But for now I believe that silence is speaking louder than words. Perhaps, I am way off but perhaps not. My words often get in my way. There always seems to be to many words spoken or not enough.

All of this two sided thinking that I am having reminds me why life is not always a clear picture. We may go some where and take a snap shot of something that is picturesque. And later in our minds we can enjoy the moment and see so many things that we may have missed at that moment in our life.

I have tried very hard to remember that direction determines destination. Which makes me think, where do I want to end my life at? Of course I want to end in heaven with Jesus. But I'm talking about here on earth. If today was my end would I be content with where I have ended?

Going back to those people in my life. One person has been there from the beginning and I know she will be there in the end. She deals with me when I can't deal with myself. I believe she has loving me figured out. This extraordinary women lets me be what ever is that I am being that day. I can be happy, goofy, smart, dumb, sad, glad, you get the picture. She is able to give me advise and I can totally tell her how I think she is way wrong but reality is I ponder her advise and often turn my thoughts in the "direction" of her thinking. Moms are great! And I have a great one. I don't tell her enough, why I may never know but I do LOVE her. She is one of the greatest gifts God has given me.

Wow, gifts that is a blogging thought all in its self. lol

So insight . . . good/bad? I don't know but I always long for more of it.